People Who Are Not Me

I got bored the other day, and I decided to surf for other people named Chris Baird on Facebook, because I was bored. I said that already. Anyway, here are the results:



This guy looks like a romantic at heart.



This guy is awesome.



This is me if I was a badass.



There was a common thread among many of the Chris's. We like our hair cut short and/or we are prematurely bald.



This dude with the cool spectacles is a member of a group called "I don't sleep enough because I stay up late for no reason." Amen, brother. See, this is what Facebook is for - finding things in common with complete strangers you'll never interact with, but for a second you feel like you've connected with. Well, that and cyberstalking.



This guy plays guitar! Or at least, he managed to grab a guitar and jump onstage long enough for this photo to be taken - of that, we can be sure.



This lone desolate figure posing dramatically on a large rock in his backyard is single and looking for:
Friendship
Dating
A Relationship
Networking
(which I'm guessing is all the catagories of connection that Facebook has).
Won't you befriend him before he jumps off that rock into the moderately cold water below? We Bairds are a sensitive people.



This baby is a member of the Skoal chewing tobacco group. Intervention, please!



Raleigh, NC Chris Baird is an autonomous hive of living beer cans. And he is a Republican.



I want that hat.
He can keep the beer.



This Chris is in Iraq. I feel proud, even though I am in no way connected with his accomplishments.



Check out those guns.
No seriously, he went to a lot of trouble walking into his bathroom and whipping out his crappy cellphone cam to show you those guns.
So check them out. Thoroughly.



Ho-
Ly
Crap.



This Chris Baird is a werewolf.



This Chris calls himself "The realist you will ever meet." I'm betting he typed 'realest,' then spellcheck convinced him that 'realist' would be a better choice.
In any case, he's wrong. I am the realest cat on deez hip streetz. Fo sho'.



On second thought, this Chris is clearly the REALEST. Yo.



I think your camera missed your face.



Uh.................



Kids are not backpacks, sir.



There is something different about this Chris Baird, but I can't quite put my finger on... oh, he's a chick.



This Chris's very image causes women to revert to their primitive animal impulses. It is both a gift and a curse.



This Chris rides his bicycle about 200 miles per week. I got winded looking at his profile page.



This Chris is gonna eat you NOM NOM NOM



This Chris sums up my sociopolitical views in one facial expression.



This Chris is a sentient painting. It kind of looks like it's rolling its eye, too.



This Chris leads a more interesting life than I do.



This is a Chris in a kilt. Most of the Chris Bairds live either in Great Britain, Australia, or America's heartland. In other words, we are the whitiest white people in all of Caucasia.



And this is me. Well, not according to Magritte, but it's a drawing of me, at least.
I made it myself!
So if you're wandering around Facebook, this is the one that is me.

I trust you have all learned something today.