Commissions

I do commissions, and I'm not picky about them.
So whether you want a tattoo design, a portrait of your dog, or a sketch of your "fursona," I'm up for it. Just send me an e-mail with your idea, a detailed description of what you want, and any reference material (photos, drawings, etc.) attached. If I confirm via e-mail that I'm interested in your commission, I'll give you my paypal info and we'll work things out like civilized humans.
My e-mail address is: animeguyswithtrianglenoses@yahoo.com (because my sister set it up for me, and she thought it was funny).

Two Important Notes:
1. I'll e-mail you a pic of the piece when it's finished. If you don't like it, you don't have to pay for it.
2. I won't do drawings of questionable taste/legality. No nudity, hate speech, blah blah blah. If you think your idea is borderline, just ask.

Prices:
$4 (plus shipping) - pencil sketch or simple tattoo design
$10 (plus shipping) - black and white inked sketch
$15 (plus shipping) - colored sketch (colored pencil, marker, or watercolor)
$30 (plus shipping) - acrylic painting (paints are expensive, sorry)

If you don't mind printing the image out yourself, I can send you a high-quality scan of the finished work so you don't have to pay shipping.

Oh, and if you get a tattoo design from me, I won't put pics of it online or show it to people, so you don't have to worry about other people walking around with your unique art on their bodies.


If you'd like to see examples of my work, you can visit my deviantart page by clicking here.
It's a little barren right now - I've been too busy to take photos of my portfolio. Having a 9 to 5 job has its drawbacks.

Alright, I have to go back to work on my Portable Gallery if it's gonna get done in time for me to wear it to the show. Sleep tight, internet.

People Who Are Not Me

I got bored the other day, and I decided to surf for other people named Chris Baird on Facebook, because I was bored. I said that already. Anyway, here are the results:



This guy looks like a romantic at heart.



This guy is awesome.



This is me if I was a badass.



There was a common thread among many of the Chris's. We like our hair cut short and/or we are prematurely bald.



This dude with the cool spectacles is a member of a group called "I don't sleep enough because I stay up late for no reason." Amen, brother. See, this is what Facebook is for - finding things in common with complete strangers you'll never interact with, but for a second you feel like you've connected with. Well, that and cyberstalking.



This guy plays guitar! Or at least, he managed to grab a guitar and jump onstage long enough for this photo to be taken - of that, we can be sure.



This lone desolate figure posing dramatically on a large rock in his backyard is single and looking for:
Friendship
Dating
A Relationship
Networking
(which I'm guessing is all the catagories of connection that Facebook has).
Won't you befriend him before he jumps off that rock into the moderately cold water below? We Bairds are a sensitive people.



This baby is a member of the Skoal chewing tobacco group. Intervention, please!



Raleigh, NC Chris Baird is an autonomous hive of living beer cans. And he is a Republican.



I want that hat.
He can keep the beer.



This Chris is in Iraq. I feel proud, even though I am in no way connected with his accomplishments.



Check out those guns.
No seriously, he went to a lot of trouble walking into his bathroom and whipping out his crappy cellphone cam to show you those guns.
So check them out. Thoroughly.



Ho-
Ly
Crap.



This Chris Baird is a werewolf.



This Chris calls himself "The realist you will ever meet." I'm betting he typed 'realest,' then spellcheck convinced him that 'realist' would be a better choice.
In any case, he's wrong. I am the realest cat on deez hip streetz. Fo sho'.



On second thought, this Chris is clearly the REALEST. Yo.



I think your camera missed your face.



Uh.................



Kids are not backpacks, sir.



There is something different about this Chris Baird, but I can't quite put my finger on... oh, he's a chick.



This Chris's very image causes women to revert to their primitive animal impulses. It is both a gift and a curse.



This Chris rides his bicycle about 200 miles per week. I got winded looking at his profile page.



This Chris is gonna eat you NOM NOM NOM



This Chris sums up my sociopolitical views in one facial expression.



This Chris is a sentient painting. It kind of looks like it's rolling its eye, too.



This Chris leads a more interesting life than I do.



This is a Chris in a kilt. Most of the Chris Bairds live either in Great Britain, Australia, or America's heartland. In other words, we are the whitiest white people in all of Caucasia.



And this is me. Well, not according to Magritte, but it's a drawing of me, at least.
I made it myself!
So if you're wandering around Facebook, this is the one that is me.

I trust you have all learned something today.

Sekret Projekt Unveiled

The test of my Portable Gallery prototype went very well. I wore it to drop off my piece at The Warehouse for the April 2 opening, and I definitely got some attention. One guy stopped his truck on the side of the road to ask me if the images on my jacket were religious, and if I was, you know, preaching the gospel to the peoples.
And a couple of girls whispered to each other across the street as I got into my car to drive back home.



I'm satisfied with the design, but the knots in the fishing line I used to attach the frames kept coming loose, so I bought some hanging wire on the way home that'll stay in place for sure. Can't wait to wear the finished product to the show (along with some full-color art in the frames, hopefully).



Catch you on the flipside, internet.

Working on a Project

Shhhhh... it's a secret.

Better Late Than Clever

The Olympics happened before I had a blog, so if it's alright with you, Internet, I'd like to talk about them now.

There were of course some great victories that everyone talked about. America won gold in Nordic Combined for the first time since that event was added to the Olympics almost a century ago. And we won gold in bobsled for the first time since bobsleds were still sleds, and the course was still carved through the landscape with manpower and not manufactured on an assembly line.

And there were your usual heroes that managed to live up to their pre-Olympic media hype. Shaun White pulled a 69 McTwizzle or whatever and Lindsey Vonn skied with a boo-boo (I kid, she was great).

But I want to talk about some stories that didn't get as much press, because that's what the internet is for (besides pornography, stalking, and promoting your crappy garage band).

There was Petra Majdic, who was favored to do well in a skiing race I'd never heard of until she accidentally skied into a ditch during a training round. Afterwhich, she managed to ski the multiple rounds of the race and win a bronze medal with five broken ribs and a punctured lung.

And in one of the last events of the Olympics, a Polish skiier (whose name I have forgotten) went up against Norwegian skiier Marit Boergen (whose name I have just misspelled). Boergen was a powerhouse, having won 3 gold medals in these Olympics so far. But Polish Skier Lady managed to trick her into burning too much energy by skiing away in the last few laps.
It came down to the very last straightaway. Two Olympic skiiers skiing their butts off. I was glued to the tv while my mom crocheted a blanket and my dad surfed the internet. As Boergen made her move, I started to shout,
"Go (what's her name)!
Go (it's on the tip of my tongue)!"

And guess what? She lost.
No, I'm kidding - she won the gold. The first winter gold medal for a female athlete in Polish history, according to the announcers. And even Boergen came over to congratulate her, because she'd clearly skiied a hell of a race.


So when you think of these Olympics, you can think of Apollo Ono or Shani Davis (first black athlete to win a winter gold). But also think of Petra Majdic. And Polish Skiier Lady (A.K.A. Justyna Kowalczyk - thanks wikipedia!)

Oh Yeah - Art

I just remembered that this is an art blog, which is convenient, since I submitted some of my work to a local art show awhile back. And one of my pieces was accepted! But first, just for fun, let's see the pieces that didn't make the cut:


I called this one "Spring In Her Step" because I am clever and also obnoxious.


This one is called "Blossom" for obvious reasons.



This one doesn't get a name because I didn't finish it in time to submit it for consideration. It did, however, remind me that I like drawing much more than painting, which lead me to create the accepted piece, "Garden of the Mind":


I promise I'll come up with less obvious titles in the future.

If you live in the Norfolk area, you can come to the opening on April 2nd at 7PM at The Warehouse, 1229 West Olney Road, Norfolk. Or you can stay at home and watch Grey's Anatomy reruns. This is America, people. The choice is yours.

Things Balance Each Other Out

Hi, I'm Chris Baird, I'm an artist in Virginia, and I think blogging is annoying. Oh sure, I had a livejournal account back before it was cool, but just to keep track of my friends from high school.

Scratch that - livejournal was never cool.
But it balances out, because I never posted anything anyway.

Another thing that balances out:
I spent two hours this morning figuring out how to delete a virus from my hardrive. After accidentally deleting several things that apparently were important, I managed to defeat the virus. At which point I went on one of my fav art sites, deviantart, and the same virus uploaded itself again.

But it balances out because I finally decided to switch browsers from Internet Explorer to anything else, and my new browser (Opera) is superfast.

So I am using it write now as I blog this blog, which as I've said before, I find annoying. But that balances out because I finally have an honest-to-gandhi website of my very own. A launchpad I can use to spread my metaphorical octopus arms out into the internet to capture my fortune. Or something.

I don't know, I'm tired and I have a full shift tomorrow.
But I have a site now! On the internet! It's like 1994 all over again.